You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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