K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
