Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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