running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
