I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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