he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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