His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
