At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
