dude i'm inner monologue high
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
