call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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