Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
