so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
