I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
