I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
