I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want her autograph on my taint
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
