he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she told me i tasted like america
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
