Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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