it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
