Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
