So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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