she woke up with a sticky ear
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
