who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
