i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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