Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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