woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
