Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
