yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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