Whod you bang
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
