very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
