dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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