sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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