What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
