Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
