I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
try to milk me bitch
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
