so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
