man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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