Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
