I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
