We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
a search helicopter?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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