Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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