As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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