So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
