weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
