It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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