I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We talked him into tasing himself.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
