His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?