He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday