The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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