I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
