im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
