are you so shy because you have an std?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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