You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
