If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
