I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
