I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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