I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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