He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she peed on how many people?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
