I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
