dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Who wears a wallet chain?!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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