So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
