can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
soo... how was my night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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