he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
