She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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