is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
