why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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