he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
