Me too!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
