i think my mom watched the whole time
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
