Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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