so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
