I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
