That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
